Harry Potter Songfics
by Little Madam Russia
Summary: the Harry Potter characters remember or reflect on life and or the war dark, sad and random NO FLAMERS please
1. Chapter 1

Fandom: Harry Potter

Song: 'NUMB' by LINKIN PARK

Summary: Draco reflects

Characters: Draco

Mentions: random Slytherins, Snape and Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy

Note: this will be a series of 1 shots reflecting on the war and life after the fact

Disclaimer: disclaimed!

'_I'm tired of being what you want me to be_

_Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface_

_Don't know what you're expecting of me_

_Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes_

_(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)_

_Every step that I take is another mistake to you_

_(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow'_

Gray, that's all I see; the gray walls of my small flat, my graying clothes, the dark colored cot in the corner looking out the window out to the gray rainy sky. I'm sitting on my cot with a bottle of fire-whisky, trying to lose myself in the drink. Why, one might ask? It's the 3rd anniversary of dad's death/ kiss. Yep, I bet you thought that he would walk? Yeah so did I. but no, about a week after the Battle of Hogwarts they came for him, the wizard cops, the Aurors, and, in that case, Dumbledore's flaming chickens **(AN dumbles's order of the Phoenix)**. So, not only am I mourning my 'father' (not really, but I can mourn Uncle Sev) but the friends I lost in the war: Vinc Crabbe, Greg Goyle, Pansy Parkinson and Theo Nott…

'_I've become so numb, I can't feel you there_

_Become so tired, so much more aware_

_I'm becoming this, all I want to do_

_Is be more like me and be less like you'_

I hate him. My 'Father', all I feel when I think of him is loathing, anger, and disgust. He is the reason I'm like this; that I joined, that they died, that I had no chance to redeem myself, not a real one any way. All I wanted was your affection. Now I can't stand to think of you. A death eater for your **sublime** dark lord, note the sarcasm. You know, that is probably my biggest regret; taking the mark. I hate you, I hate me, I hate the fact that mom still loves and misses you. I hate it all!

'_Can't you see that you're smothering me,_

_Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control?_

_'Cause everything that you thought I would be_

_Has fallen apart right in front of you.'_

I get up off my cot to look for another bottle of the burning liquid. I find some in my cabinet; two come with me back to the cot.

"Bastard, I hate you," I think angrily. You hated me and showed me and mom nothing but contempt. No wonder Dobby was so happy with leaving us for Potter. You treated us like dirt so you could feel better with your lot in life.

'_(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)_

_Every step that I take is another mistake to you._

_(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)_

_And every second I waste is more than I can take.'_

I'm so glad you dis-owned me, now I no longer have to be remembered as "Malfoy the boy who let the Death Eaters in" now I'm just me. _Vacuus._ It means void, empty, vacant; like how I've become.

'_I've become so numb, I can't feel you there,_

_Become so tired, so much more aware_

_I'm becoming this, all I want to do_

_Is be more like me and be less like you._

_And I know_

_I may end up failing too._

_But I know_

_You were just like me with someone disappointed in you.'_

Hate. Hate you, hate me, I hate the wizards that thought that a boy could save them, I hate that I helped _them_, I hate they died, I hate Voldemort for not staying dead and ruining my life, I hate… I hate… me and you; both with a passion.

My second bottle tonight is now empty. /sigh/ I toss it to the ground and pick up the third bottle and take a swig.

You were to perfect; but still a disappointment to so many; me, because you were a shitty father, and to mom, a horrid husband, even your dark lord who didn't protect you in the end.

'_I've become so numb, I can't feel you there,_

_Become so tired, so much more aware._

_I'm becoming this, all I want to do_

_Is be more like me and be less like you.'_

I think I saw you hit her once, or at least had hit her before.

You were angry, the two of you were fighting about god knows what, and you raised you had as if to smack her; she flinched back.

I hate you, she loved you somehow and she still does. Why?

I feel something slide down my cheek. I raise my hand to touch it. It's wet, I'm crying. I hate you, bastard. You made me cry, it isn't the 1st time. I pull my knees up to my chest and drop my head into my hands.

/hate-him-hate-him-so-much/ plays over and over in my head

'_I've become so numb, I can't feel you there._

_(I'm tired of being what you want me to be)_

_I've become so numb, I can't feel you there._

_(I'm tired of being what you want me to be)'_

Why don't more people hate /me/ for what I've done? Is it because I hate myself enough as is?

Why? Why? Why? "WHY!" the scream is torn from my throat as I break down into fresh sobs.

I want to be my own person but the scars run to deep. You will be a part of me forever; in my scars and mental anguish.

The bottle falls off the cot and breaks on the floor. So similar to my life I think morbidly.

I fall back on the cot.

I hate you so much. Lucius Malfoy. Those were my last thoughts before a troubled sleep claimed me


	2. chapter 2

This is going to be a song fic. Why? I have no idea.

Pairing: none

Summary: Harry thinking about Sirius Black. Black thinking from across the veil

Fandom: Harry potter

Warning- my 1st story and its rather dark

Note- I added to the death list

Make sure you've read all the books

Especially numbers- 3,5, 6 and 7

Song: 'need you now' lady antebellum

Disclaimer: I own nothing

**No flamers please**

'_Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor._

_Reaching for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore._

_And I wonder if I ever cross your mind?_

_For me it happens all the time'_

They told me it time to move on. How could I? He was one of the last ones I had left not counting Lupin. A brother, uncle, and father figure all rolled into one person. Why him? Why me? I take a shard of the mirror he gave me as a gift, in theory one could use it as way to communicate, if the person you wanted had its brother.

No one answers

'_It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now._

_Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now._

_And I don't know how I can do without._

_I just need you now.'_

~_Harry. I miss you, lovely boy, prongslet, Godson all of these describe you, yet they don't at the same time. How are you? How old are you now? I can't keep track of time in this bloody veil. I miss you. ~ _

'_Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door._

_Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before._

_And I wonder if I ever cross your mind?_

_For me it happens all the time.'_

I'm over age, I look like I'm 18 but I'm really 25. In magical Brittan I could drink as soon as I came of age (17). Maybe if I'm plastered enough I'll forget; about you, about the war, the deaths, how it never worked between me and Ginny because my 'master of death' title that stopped my ageing. But I won't no can't, drink myself to oblivion; they won't let me so I found it pointless to try, unless the nightmares come back... The Hollows, the cloak, the ring, and the wand, they all came back to me; annoying buggers, can't drink, cant die, can hardly scratch my skin.

'_Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now._

_And I don't know how I can do without._

_I just need you now._

_Oh whoa_

_Yes I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all.'_

_Don't do anything stupid because of me, I'm not worth it. Please live, live and be the happy, carefree boy I met in his 3__rd__ year. Survive the war but don't let it scar you too bad. Death causes pain, so please don't dwell on mine and don't do anything stupid that will cause undue ,no not undue… un… unnecessary… yes that's the word unnecessary pain for others. Live long my boy, live long and prosper._

'_It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now._

_And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now._

_Well I don't know how I can do without._

_I just need you now_

_I just need you now._

_Oh baby I need you now'_

Why? Why you? Why me? Why Lupin, Tonks, Mad-eye? Why Cedric, and dobby? Why Fred and Dumbledore? Why Snape and Luna? Why couldn't Ginny work out? And what happened with me and Cho (ok I'll admit that was NEVER going to work)? Why were there so many suicides and deaths after the fact? Why did so many others NOT blame me like I did? Why did so many death eater walk?

What happened?

'_Yes I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all.'_

Help me

Sirius

~_Harry_


End file.
